It is impossible for me to grow bigger, so I put up with myself as I am, with all my countless faults. But I will look for some means of going to heaven by a little way which is very short and very straight, a little way that is quite new ... It is Your arms, Jesus, which are the lift to carry me to heaven. And so there is no need for me to grow up. In fact, just the opposite: I must stay little and become less and less. - Saint Therese of Lisieux, The Story of a Soul (113)
“You know, Mother, that I have always wanted to become a saint.” Therese of Lisieux had great ambitions for someone so young. Even from early childhood, Therese wanted more than anything to please God, to show her love for Him, even to the point of wanting martyrdom. She entered a convent at Carmel, Spain when she was fifteen years old. Her will to achieve sainthood was so strong that she made an appeal to the head of the Roman Catholic Church at the time, Pope Leo XIII, to ensure that she could continue her spiritual quest at the convent. Within the convent, Therese did all that she could to reach sainthood, striving onward with a fierce, yet humble spirit. Even trials of illness and loss were seen as points of light along the trail to heaven. She was so proud of all that she had accomplished in her service to the Lord. But was this enough for her? Was all of this enough to become a saint? “Unfortunately when I compared myself with the saints, I have always found that there is the same difference between the saints and me as there is between a mountain whose summit is lost in the clouds and a humble grain of sand trodden underfoot by passerby.” In her driven, yet humble striving for sainthood, Therese saw a foil to it all: those who had gone before her, Therese could not compare. For Therese, sainthood was achieved by a great amount of pious living, so many good deeds done, and, yet, Therese could never do enough. It was a great struggle for her as she considered her dilemma: if all she did was not enough for sainthood, how would she ever be one?
Maybe this is a struggle for you as well. Maybe you think that’s what Christianity is all about: becoming someone other than yourself. “How much do I have to change? How much do I have to do? Does this mean I have to be right all the time, that my life will consist of nothing but one charitable act after another?” Maybe you’re thinking about all kinds of requirements to become a Christian. “How much do I have to know? How much do I have to do? I’ve got a very busy life already, and I have to add all of this just to fit in?” This could be idle curiosity on your part. Or this could be somewhat distressing. “I couldn’t possibly keep up with that person. They know so much more about the Bible, about Jesus, all that stuff. I wouldn’t know where to start. I don’t really have the time to do all the charity work and volunteering that they do. Does this mean that I can’t be a Christian?” I know you think I’m probably belaboring the point, but you may be thinking that Christianity is nothing more than a clubhouse, and you just don’t see yourself doing all that “stuff” in order to get in. You probably want others to accept you for who you are. Maybe, just maybe, you’re thinking, “Why join the club? I’ll never do enough to become like a ‘Christian’. I’ll never know enough ... If I want to be a Christian, will I ever do and know enough to be one?”
Therese was determined to find some kind of answer, some possibility, for becoming a saint. “So I sought in Holy Scripture some idea of what this lift I wanted would be, and I read these words from the very mouth of eternal Wisdom: ‘Whosoever is a little one, let him come to me.’” Therese had found the answer to the quest for sainthood that had consumed her whole life, and yet had fallen short. Therese had found herself in Jesus. The tables had been turned upside down. The saints that had gone before her had done so much more than she had, knew so much more than she did, and Therese had discovered that she would never catch up. Now, she didn’t have to. In fact, trying to achieve sainthood by knowing much, doing much, trying to keep up with all the saintly acts of her predecessors would never be enough to get the sainthood she wanted. Now, she didn’t want to “grow”, she wanted to be “less and less.” Now, she knew Jesus made her perfect. Soon, Therese discovered the joys of being a “Little Flower”, which became her nickname. In her own way, she had discovered how to express joy in even the littlest things in this life, a chance to rejoice in the small things through the complete grace of Jesus. She could rejoice because it was Jesus that “carried” Therese, the saints, all Christians to heaven. It was Jesus that needed to grow and grow, not her. Though Therese continued to do all of the things that she did before, trying to know much, trying to do much, she knew that through Jesus, He was enough.
Suggested Prayer: Dearest Jesus, I thank you that you are enough for me. Grant me an open heart and a willing spirit to be the Christian that you want me to be, one who doesn't trust in my works, but in yours. As I start this, remind me always that I can never do enough, but that you have already done enough for me. In your name I ask this. Amen.
ways of dealing
I find it interesting how different people find different ways of dealing with this issue. I know some people who simply ignore the issue, while others pull the comparative move (well, I'm better than ...) or simply lower the bar till they can be good enough, and still more who insist that there really is no bar that they need to jump over.
What are some other approaches you've seen out there to the whole, "being good enough" issue?
"Being good enough"
One thing that never made sense to me when I was attending high school, was why we were treating like children when we were no longer children. Why all the rules and deadlines? Needless to say, I wasn't a Christian then, so abiding by the regular rules was something that I learned later.
I would miss class, hang out with people whose pass time was smoking joints and just ditching school (most of them were lovely people who just didn't have any parental guidance and who were very bright, but bored, with no healthy outlets). Couldn't help them myself, because my home life wasn't the most peaceful either...so I just wanted somewhere that no one expected anything from me...and I had found it. We all were lost and letting time pass by. (I didn't get mixed up with the drugs myself)
As time passed on though. The lax lifestyle of doing "Whatever and whenever" began to set the bar so low that temptations began to seep in. I thought I had a good moral compass but that started to shake off. I ended up doing things that I really wasn't proud of. I had my heart broken by my first love...and thought I'd find comfort with a "friend". My moral rules that I had set for myself was just being replaced with rationalizations, which is easy to do at the age of 17.
I woke up after the whole situation (which I rather not get into detail, because it's not nice really) and decided to devote myself to school. I set the bar really really high. No more hanging out with "those friends". Always studying and spending time with "worthwhile people" etc. I'd get major anxiety over my grades. Trying to be perfect in the world's eyes.
I ended up at Berkeley. Sounded like my second chance. I looked up to people who used big words. I idolized my professors. I thought I had found the "way". But my grades were going fine, but my depression returned. I just couldn't be good enough for the group I was leading at school. I didn't know what to do with my life after I graduated.
I graduated with no life coping skills and a huge burden of a depression. I felt like a failure. Had set the bar low...and wasn't good enough. Set the bar high, and wasn't good enough.
With years of trying to prove something to myself...I plunged into the use of anti-depressants as the "being good enough" solution. (do not recommend anyone to get off of them without the help of a professional). I did okay at work, but had trouble getting along with the people at work. Fitting into "work society" etc.
My life had become a mess. I had tried everything that the world had said would give me respect, peace of mind, and acceptance. I didn't like myself. I didn't like what I had become. I had a respectable degree from a great school. I am physically "acceptable" for today's society. I dressed the part at work. I got the promotions.
BUT, My marriage was a mess. My relationships had dwindled, for the most part. My heart was no longer light, like it had been when I was a child. I was on the brink of divorce...My husband and I were separated for 9 months...
God has interesting ways of getting out attention. With me, I've realized over time that he spoke to me by hitting me with spiritual drought (my depressive states which would usually come along when I didn't have Him in my life).
I had begun attending church. I gave my heart and being to Jesus and have been a follower since May of 2007. It has completely taken away the false expectations that the world (the dark spririt, the devil--whatever you want to call it) used to set for me. I have more forgiveness and compassion for all the people around me, especially my husband. It has also given me the understanding of God's love for me. He made me. He loves me. I don't need to DO anything that the world finds right in order to please him. I just need to follow his rules (and repent when I fall off the wagon. Just have a relationship with Him).
I no longer "take pride in appearance and not in the heard" (Paul) Though I do struggle at times. I'm only human. My people pleasing has switched to God pleasing instead...and somehow people take to it much better anyway.
My main priority is to do what makes God happy. Do what serves God. My life has been filled with happiness since. I've been off my heavy anti-depressants for over 7 months now (with the help of a doctor, lots of praying, daily connection with God, healthy stress reducing coping activities (like going to the gym, having a nice steam room and swimming day, enjoying time with friends and family), and the use of clear communication).
Most importantly. I've reset my priorities.
1. God
2. Husband (no kids yet)
3. Family and friends
Not only was I saved but my marriage was saved as well. My husband and I have so much love between us now. He enjoys having a wife you is filled with compassion and understanding vs. criticism and demands. Money doesn't rule me. Matthew 6:24-34 sums it up well and gives me lots of peace daily.
I am finally good enough...in God's eyes...I am lovely. In people's eyes, sometimes yes, sometimes no, but it doesn't effect me the way it used to.
God is cleaning my heart and has filled me with the Holy Spirit. Through his son Jesus, I have been saved. Really, really, really, saved. It's lovely.
Prayer: Dear Lord and Savior, our Jesus Christ. Thank you for setting me free. Please reach out to the oppressed, the cold, people whose parents have just given up on them. Let them find refuge in your peace and love. Let us know how we can serve you Lord. Amen